I don’t care how shy you think you are, or how much of a social leper you view yourself as.
There has been at least one time in your life when you feel comfortable and happy being at the center of attention, and where you can make friends with anyone. When you’ve been in the zone.
This article is going to walk you through the process of identifying your most social states and how you can turn it on at a moment’s notice. First, we have to remember that your shyness/anxiety/nervousness is only a state of mind… and states of mind can be consciously and willfully changed in many ways.
When you dig deep, you’ll find that there are certain aspects of your personality that are actually quite social. It’s just waiting beneath negativity and anxiety of “”I just don’t like small talk,” or “I’m just not a social person at parties!” to be summoned and expressed.
The first step in turning on your social self at a moment’s notice is to identify the range of your social states. Think about the last time you were pumped up and really in the zone. Now break that emotional state down. What made you feel that way, what was happening, and most importantly, why did you feel that way? Sketch out their broad outlines. Be completely honest with yourself. Get in touch with that emotional state.
What were the external triggers? Did something happen that pushed you into that social state? Was it a word that somebody said? Were you wearing certain clothes that helped you feel really comfortable in your skin? Did you go out with a specific friend?
What aspect of your psychology was fed by these triggers? Was it your need to be appreciated? Was it your need to be validated? Was it your need to conquer or to explore? Identify these and be clear regarding these emotional bases.
The second step in calling up your social self at a moment’s notice is to pair physical rituals with the emotional triggers that you isolated earlier.
Certain emotional states can be called up based on our physical state, especially when they are paired together. As we’ve discussed, the body has 100% influence over the mind and what the mind perceives… so you literally make emotional connections between things that are happening physically with what you are feeling at the current moment.
Just think of it as a modern re-imagining of Pavlov’s dog. Pavlov’s dog began salivating every meal time, which was accompanied by a ringing bell. Eventually, the dog began to salivate at the sound of any bell because he was conditioned to believe that a bell means that food is coming. Likewise, you can use an external stimuli call up mental states.
Visualize the emotional triggers that caused your moods, or surround yourself with the external triggers. Perform physical acts like push-ups, jumping up and down, slapping your wrists, breathing deeply, standing on the balls of our feet… anything small and subtle will do. And just like Pavlov’s dog, eventually even if the triggers aren’t present, you can literally train yourself to get into your desired social state.
After all, what good is having a social side if you can never let it surface?
The reason this is works is that you mimic your physical responses when you’re at a peak social state. Remember when you were talking to that highly attractive person of the opposite sex, your blood was probably flowing, your adrenaline was pumping…You can replicate that physical state by doing push-ups.
So when you do the push-ups, you can replicate the emotional state as well. That’s what pushes you to a social state. The best part is that you can call it up whenever you want.
You can exert a high degree of mastery over your emotional state.
As the old saying goes, “The person who masters himself masters the world.”
