Let’s face it, most conversations in our daily lives begin and end in the same, mundane way.
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Good, you?”
“Same! Talk to you later!”
This is perfectly acceptable… if you want to be described as mundane yourself, but that’s not what we’re going for in this article.
If you want to produce better outcomes from your social interactions, understanding how most conversations progress is key. It turns out that most follow certain patterns, as most actions beget a similar reaction. You can predict this, shape and control it, and turn it to your advantage by directing it.
Seizing control of your social interactions is a pretty powerful concept.
The first pattern you must learn to recognize is that most conversations begin and end the same way. I’m willing to bet that you’ve repeated the script above at least once today if you’ve left your home.
People, myself included, follow certain scripts and templates for a few reasons.
First, it’s what social courtesy dictates of us. We are polite to people on a surface level on a daily basis, so we must at a minimum acknowledge people and politely ask how they are.
Second, the social situations we find ourselves in on a daily basis aren’t very unique. It might be with a co-worker, someone on a bus, or a friend, but these aren’t situations that warrant any more thought than using a script or template. It’s not every day that we base jump from the Empire State Building.
Finally, people aren’t that creative on a daily basis. It’s too much effort to come up with an original way to begin and end each interaction, so they stick with what’s lazy and tried and true.
Once we understand this pattern, we can better prepare for how to make ourselves stand out and channel social fluency, namely by leading the interaction from the outset.
Knowing that people stick to their conversation scripts and templates out of laziness or social courtesy, this means that there is a massive opportunity for you to take the lead of a conversation, both subject and tone-wise.
Remember, most people have a lazy approach to interactions, so they are completely open to your taking the lead… because that is less effort for them.
So think back to the last few conversations you’ve had, and you’ll notice that they are basically triggered by the same body of questions. Separate those questions down into categories, and you’ll see that there is a limited range of categories that people stick to that you can prepare for easily.
Your state of well-being. Your weekend. Your family. Last night. Work. Your significant other. Your hobbies. The weather. Shared people, experiences, and circumstances.
By developing more in-depth questions and answers to these basic question types, you can find yourself leading every conversation in the direction that you want while appearing amazingly intuitive and socially fluent.
For the simple yes and no questions people give you, provide in-depth answers with details, mini stories, and humor.
For the simple yes and no answers people give you, ask them probing, open-ended questions about their lives and circumstances.
Instead of conversations dependent on simple yes and no answers and questions, you can inject massive amounts of personality and create a conversation with actual depth.
Make sure that your body language is congruent with someone that is engaged, interested, and committed to having an in-depth conversation. Stand up straight, lean forward, physically show that you are engaged and attentive, and give them great reactions to their answers to your questions. Don’t cross your arms, lean back, or scan the rest of the room with your eyes.
Your body language plays a huge role in how receptive people will be to your taking lead of the interaction, and how your message and tone will be received.
Lead by injecting positive energy, passion, and conviction into your conversations. You can create the social outcomes you want by radiating the kind of energy to the other person that you want back.
I can’t say this enough: humans are emotional creatures.
When you radiate positive energy and passion, it excites the recipient. The conversation, instead of becoming boring and dead, actually becomes exciting, passionate, and mutually gratifying.
