Now we’re getting to the good stuff. The skills you need to learn, or rather, continuously practice, to get the life you want. You’ll find that skills will fall into two broad categories. One category is important to you and only you. The other category is important to every human who wishes to take conscious control of their lives and live on purpose rather than by random chance.
Specific Skills
These are the skills related to your particular field, job, career or hobbies. Playing the piano, effectively using Photoshop, or being able to program in PHP are all skills that are very narrow in their application. Generally speaking, the more technical the skill is, the less “trial and feedback” you’ll need to go through. The more you’ll need to follow a step by step learning procedure, rather than kind of winging in and see what happens. Even then, you’ll find that there are many different ways to skin the proverbial cat. Photoshop, for example, has thousands upon thousands of uses, and those who are professionals and have been using it their entire lives still find new and interesting aspects of it. There’s also a distinction between mastering a skill, and applying that skill. It may only take you a few months or even weeks to master every aspect of PHP programming, but the applications are endless. As you can guess, the beginnings of any skill can be specific, requiring step by step learning, but once you reach a certain level of mastery, the range of application becomes much more general.
General Skills
These are the life skills that will make everything easier. These are things like knowing how to walk up to a person and getting them into a good mood. Being to suddenly stand up and give a short introduction without preparation at a party. Being able to find your way in a new city without getting lost. Some of these skills may seem so obvious as to not even think of them as skills. Something as simple as taking the subway, for example, may be utterly confusing to somebody who’s lived in a small town their entire lives.
There is also another thing to consider. Some people need to take the time to learn something, while other people can do them naturally, without even thinking twice. Does this mean they aren’t skills, but something that is genetically programmed into us? Consider public speaking. Most of us are terrified, at least at first, of standing up and talking to strangers. However, you may run across somebody who jumps right up and soaks up the spotlight like a natural. We all know a class clown or two that didn’t seem to have any problems calling attention to themselves. However, consider them as being the exception to the rule. Even then, we rarely have an accurate idea of who they really are on the inside, and what’s really going on while they are acting like the class clown. Perhaps it is all an act because they are terrified of us finding out the truth of who they really are (as they imagine it.)
Also, be sure to keep your set of skills grounded in reality. It’s one thing to look at a math problem and come up with a specific answer in your mind. It’s another thing entirely to look at a crowd of people, and imagine that you know what’s going on when you really are just guessing. One way to verify that a skill is really a skill is to imagine that you have to demonstrate proof you being able to do it.
Being able to read body language is a great skill to have. But it’s difficult to measure, especially if you only think you know what something “means.” Especially when you recall our discussion about meaning! Somebody crossing their arms could mean that they are closed off, but it also could mean they are thinking about something rather intently. The point is to make sure that your skills are measurable. Not only, so you can verify that they really are skills beyond your imagination, but more importantly, so you can continue to improve them. For example, if you wanted to improve your communication skills, a very worthy goal, how would you measure your progress? If you try to go only by your feelings, you fall into the trap of self-deception. Remember, our collective instincts regarding our social safety are very sensitive to any kind of danger. One of the ways we protect ourselves is through self-deception. This is the root of cognitive dissonance. We tend to ignore things that will force us to confront some issue about ourselves that we don’t want to acknowledge. So if you are going to measure how well of a communicator you are, going by how well you feel when you’re communicating may not be the best indicator. Whenever possible, always try to figure out a way to “keep score” so you can monitor your progress. How many people you say “hello” to on a daily basis is a great way to start. Or how well you can get others to “open up” during a conversation. For example, if you start talking to somebody, and they have their arms crossed, one thing to try that you can measure is to see how quickly you can get them to uncross their arms. Or how soon in the conversation you can get their name or their occupation. A good way to imagine this is to pretend you have a coach. At the end of every day or every week, your skills coach is going to ask for your “data.” That is the only way he or she will know if you are really progressing or not. They won’t ask you how you did. So if you hand them a sheet of paper with ten names on it and last week you had eight that shows an improvement of twenty-five percent. In the next few article, we’ll be talking about general skills that are worth working on, regardless of your individual plans for your life. While you read through them, always keep the “evidence-based” rules in mind. What evidence or proof could you keep as a record of your increasing skills?
Exercise
Think of five vague sounding skills like “communication skills” or “public speaking skills.” These don’t necessarily have to be skills you are intending to work on. Think of specific pieces of evidence for each one you could use to measure your progress in these particular skills.
