Just as the vast majority of conversations fall prey to certain scripts and templates that people use out of laziness or convention… most conversations are also boring and extremely forgettable.
There are only so many ways people communicate with each other on a regular basis.
Again, this is fine if your goal is to blend in and not make an impression on the people that you meet.
But if you’re trying to convey social fluency, generate a sale, or flirt up a storm with the opposite sex… it goes without saying that your conversations probably should not be boring. It just screams low value, and can lead to the other person viewing you as not worth doing business with, flirting with, or even just engaging with.
In other words, boring is death. The purpose of conversations are many, but if they are entertaining to both parties, they can transcend barriers. Therefore, make that your singular goal.
If you want to achieve more success with your social life and professional life, you have to find a solution to boring conversations. Sometimes they become exciting and interesting organically, but there are certain tricks and mindsets you can use to spice up conversations in your daily life.
First, if you’re in a boring conversation, it’s because you have also let it become boring.
You have the full power to control of a conversation and make it as entertaining or probing as you want. So seize control and don’t rely on others to entertain you. Embody the mindset that you possess the power to change your circumstances in a snap.
Second, understand that everyone possesses a quirky and fun side.
Everyone is abnormal on some level, and this is what makes them beautiful. It’s our weirdness and odd thought patterns that give us our identity. More importantly, it’s what gives people personality and the fodder for some interesting conversation material.
So don’t be afraid to share your own quirky or nonconventional view on a subject. This strays from the norm and will make people react in ways that break their scripts and templates. Go out on a limb, take a stance, and show conviction. It will also encourage them to share their own unique views on subjects, and suddenly you’re in a real, substantive, and entertaining conversation!
When you mirror each other’s unusual takes on a particular subject, you’re basically being emotionally open with each other. Instead of walling off each other and condemning each other as unusual, this opens an opportunity for bonding.
“You know what? We’re not so different, you and I. I have that side to me too!”
The way people actually connect with others and enjoy their company is because of their idiosyncrasies. You don’t become friends with someone because they meet your ideals or standards. You just find each other amusing and entertaining, and that’s the entire basis of friendship at the outset.
Third, just keep conversations light and amusing. Make it about entertainment value.
Don’t start with a soliloquy about your mother’s irritable bowel syndrome. There is a time and place for deep conversations about emotional wounds and healing, but they are far and few inbetween.
The vast majority of daily conversations will benefit greatly from just viewing them as an opportunity to joke around with someone, instead of engaging with them to gain something. Grow the mindset of interacting with people and things in your daily life just to see what happens when you poke them, and it will serve you well in conversations.
Work on not filtering your thoughts as much. See what reactions you can provoke. Ask ridiculous hypotheticals. Seek to find the humor in any situation. Ask what hilarious situations something you see reminds you of. Compare an innocent bystander to a Disney character. Answer questions with movie references. Think out loud.
Finally, don’t be afraid to “go there.”
Don’t be afraid to jump into so-called taboo topics, because 99.99% of the time, people are completely fine with topics that others would call offensive, improper, or rude.
Taboo topics are often more personal in nature, so in addition to creating an interesting line of conversation, you’ve just made it infinitely more personal and deep. You’ve connected substantively, while engaging people more.
Most people are busy trying to be safe and stay polite. That approach is actually yawn-inducing and boring, and probably reflects their approach in other aspects of life. They’re filtering themselves to a fault and not showing their true selves.
If you act like everyone else, don’t expect to make an impression.
